“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13: 1-7 NIV

It is almost Valentine’s Day and I am sure you are excited and anticipating the expression of love you will receive from your spouse or significant other, whether it be a card, candy, flowers, jewelry, dinner or maybe a gift card to your favorite retail store or spa. However, I have a question–how are you building successful relationships on days other than Valentine’s Day? What are you doing to improve your relationships the other 364 days of the year?

For the past several weeks, the “Pearls of Wisdom,” my women’s ministry, have been discussing how to build healthy and successful relationships. We have been watching videos (via Rightnow Media) featuring Michael Fletcher and his book, “Building Successful Relationships.” In the book, Michael offers seven key principles that will help build strong relationships throughout every area of life:

1. Love – A love that loves without condition. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 NIV
2. Faith – Seeing another person through God’s eyes. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrew 11:1 NIV
3. Interest – Placing value on what’s important to others. “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4 NIV
4. Availability – Be available when others are in need especially in a crisis. “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 NIV
5. Respect – Every person desires to be recognized, valued, honored, and respected especially when it is not expected. “Give everyone what you owe him: if you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” Romans 13:7 NIV
6. Time – The currency of relationship is time. Be available to someone in crisis; time is a gift. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV
7. Communication – Words are important. Communication is the lifeline in a relationship. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Out of the seven principles offered, communication was definitely the hot topic in our ministry discussion. Whether it be with a spouse/significant other, child, coworker, family member, friend, or neighbor, how we communicate is integral to a healthy, successful relationship. What tone are you using? Are you listening to understand and not to respond? Are you showing empathy? Are you avoiding communication to keep the peace? The ladies and I began to seriously reflect on how we currently communicate or have communicated in past relationships and how others have communicated with us. Our inability to communicate effectively will always aggravate an issue.

If you are experiencing challenges in a relationship, maybe there is a breakdown in one of the above seven principles. I encourage you to meditate on these principles and identify which one may be the culprit in your relationship. Not only do I want to wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day, I also wish you healthy and successful relationships the other 364 days as well.   

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