“Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you–“ (Ecclesiastes 7:21 NIV)

As I stated in my last blog, I will be sharing thoughts from an amazing little book titled, “The Four Agreements,” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Today, we will focus on the second agreement–Don’t Take Anything Personally. Ruiz states, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality–their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

How many times have you encountered a discourteous co-worker, store associate, or attendant at the window of a fast food restaurant? We immediately take offense to the person’s behavior and allow this behavior to ruin our entire day. Could it be possible that this person could have been dealing with a sick family member, their car broke down, they just received an eviction notice, they have a mental illness, or maybe there is some other crisis? What I’m trying to say is that their behavior had absolutely nothing to do with you! “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.” (Romans 12:3 NKJV)

Several months ago, a friend shared with me his displeasure for one of his co-workers (who I will refer to as Joe). Joe, whose typical personality was optimistic and upbeat, had become condescending, pessimistic, and disgruntled. Joe’s behavior had created a hostile work environment. This went on for several weeks until one day, Joe confided in my friend. He shared that his father had been diagnosed with lung cancer. Obviously shaken from the ordeal, Joe admitted he had become difficult to deal with, but was stressed and experiencing severe anxiety over the thought of losing his father. My friend had compassion for Joe and realized the bad behavior had nothing to do with him after all. Ruiz expresses, “Even when the situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds.” 

 Ruiz emphasizes that you shouldn’t even take it personal when someone says you are wonderful. We all know you can be wonderful to a person one minute and in a split second you can become the worse person in the world. This is why it is very important for you to know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14).

When I was younger, I had the need to be accepted; therefore, I was greatly affected by what people said; however, I have long overcome that need and now I am quite aware of my self-worth and the value I bring to the table. I must admit, I still struggle with taking things personally from time to time because words can sting. This takes us back to our first agreement and why we should be impeccable with our word. I can honestly say since I have been practicing not taking things personally, my life has become more peaceful and I have learned to let go of offenses quicker. We all know this agreement is very difficult to do, but once you master it, it will be extremely liberating leaving you with a sense of peace that you will no longer be angry because of someone’s opinion of you.

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