“For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God.” James 3:7-9 NKJV

I could not allow the month of October to go by without acknowledging National Bullying Prevention Month. Merriam-Webster defines bullying as abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone strong and more powerful. It is usual repetitive behavior that can consist of taunting and teasing, name-calling, or threatening to cause harm. According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, 2019, (https://www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/stats.asp) one of every five (20.2%) students report being bullied. Of those students who reported being bullied, 13% were made fun of, called names, or insulted and 13% were the subject of rumors.

In my book, Sandpaper & Pearls, I share with readers my personal experience with bullying. There were no anti-bullying laws at the time of my experience; however, I was fortunate enough to turn those negative experiences into sheer determination and resilience. Many are not strong enough to overcome—in many cases, they lead to suicide.

It is very timely that my women’s ministry, The Pearls of Wisdom, is currently studying James Chapter 3 in the Bible. James 3:5-6 exclaims, “So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how a small fire sets ablaze a large forest. And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among our members. It stains the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” We are discussing how our words or words of others can build up or tear down. Although bullying may be more prevalent with school aged children, it can also be rampant among adults.

Along with our study of the book of James, we are also discussing Deborah Smith Pegues’ book, 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue. This book has caused me to self-assess. Because I can be very direct at times, I am sure I have offended others; however, the intent was never to be malicious, hateful, or spiteful. I am a work in progress and steadily becoming more aware of how I communicate. The following are just a few of the different tongues Mrs. Pegues describes in her book:  

• The Intimidating Tongue – The intimidator anticipates his victim to wither under his verbal attacks. The Philistine said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and the beast of the field!” 1 Samuel 17:44 NKJV
• The Slandering Tongue – Slanderers make malicious, false, or even true statements about others with the intent of damaging their reputation, character, or good name. Hiding hatred makes you a liar; slandering others makes you a fool. Proverbs 10:18 NLT
• The Gossiping Tongue – Gossip can be such a delicious “choice morsel” that many find irresistible. Gossiping can lower your sense of self-worth because you tend to realize you are not walking in integrity. Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart. Proverbs 18:8 NLT
• The Betraying Tongue – Betrayal is a more blatant act than gossip. A gossip may not necessarily harbor any ill will toward his/her victim; however, a betrayer divulges information in breach of one’s confidence. A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. Proverbs 11:13 NLT
• The Belittling Tongue – Do people feel better about themselves after spending time with you or do you focus on their weaknesses rather than their strengths? Are you so insecure that you can only feel good about yourself by demeaning others? Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Ephesians 4:29 NKJV

Over the past four years, Americans have witnessed countless verbal attacks on women, minorities, the military, and others. I have been horrified at all the insults on social media all because there is a difference of opinion. Although we may not agree; we should respect each other and agree to disagree. We cannot perpetuate the behavior displayed by our leadership—our country is better than this. We all deserve better! Bullying should not be tolerated by anyone. Words have a long-lasting effect whether good or bad. It is often said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” This is so far from the truth. Author of The Four Agreements, “Don Miguel Ruiz, declares, “But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. One edge is the misuse of the word, which creates a living hell. The other edge is the impeccability of the word, which will only create beauty, love, and heaven on earth.”

If you would like to read about the other 25 tongues, check out 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue. It is a great book to have in your book arsenal. Let us all make a conscious effort to tame our tongues!

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