“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all.” (Proverbs 3:5-12 MSG)

This week, I will be sharing the third agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book titled, “The Four Agreements,” which is “Don’t Make Assumptions.”  Ruiz declares, “Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.”

An assumption is defined as something that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.  Have you ever assumed something and later you discovered you were totally wrong?  I believe we all make assumptions on a daily basis.  Assumptions are made that homeless people are lazy and uneducated; fat people are unhealthy and skinny people are not; or a person who drives an expensive car and lives in a big house is wealthy and those that drive an old beat-up car and lives in a small one-bedroom house is poor.  In reality, many homeless people are educated but may have fell on hard times due to loss of a job and a few missed paychecks; there are healthy-looking people that suffer from extreme hypertension and stockier people that do not; and oftentimes, the person who lives miserly may have the large bank account because he/she does not spend their money on exorbitant material possessions whereas the person who lives extravagantly maybe living from paycheck to paycheck.  “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” (John 7:24 NKJV)

Do you make assumptions in your relationships?  Have you ever assumed that your partner or spouse could read your mind?  Was he/she supposed to know that your feelings were hurt?  I believe the biggest assumption that is made as it pertains to relationships is that you can change the other person.  “I thought he/she would change after we got married”–I have heard this so many times and I have been guilty of it myself.  If the person is verbally abusive, or unfaithful before marriage, more than likely he/she will be verbally abusive or unfaithful after marriage.  You cannot change another person—only God has that ability.  The only person that you can truly change is yourself.  Ruiz states, “Find someone whom you don’t have to change at all.  It is much easier to find someone who is already the way you want him or her to be, instead of trying to change that person.  Also, that person must love you just the way you are, so he or she doesn’t have to change you at all.” Ask yourself, “Do you really love this person if you want to change them?”

Do you make assumptions in your family and work relationships as well?  Do you assume that your family members and co-workers think the way you do, feel the way you feel, and judge the way you judge?  Instead of assuming, express your feelings to others by expressing how their behavior or action made you feel. Instead of damaging or severing these valued relationships, wouldn’t it be easier to ask questions or explain how you feel about a certain situation.   Ruiz states, “The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions.  Make sure the communication is clear. If you don’t understand, ask.  Have the courage to ask questions until you are clear as you can be, and even then do not assume you know all there is to know about a given situation.”

Today, let’s begin to transform our lives by committing to improve our communication.  Let’s begin to ask more questions and gain facts before making statements that possibly are not true which also could be very damaging and cause unnecessary drama.  Ruiz expresses, “With clear communication, all of your relationships will change, not only with your partner, but with everyone else.  You won’t need to make assumptions because everything becomes so clear.  If we communicate in this way, our word becomes impeccable.”

If you are interested in a free 30-min coaching session, book an appointment at calendly.com/new-wine-consulting.