“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV)

It has been seven years since my mother and sister passed away a couple of months before the holidays. To encourage those who have recently lost loved ones and for those who are still mourning (grief has no timeline) and also, to honor National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month, I want to share a blog written after my mother’s passing.

It’s Sunday–it’s quiet; no nurses; no caregiver–no one. Every Sunday for eight and a half months, I waited for my mom’s caregiver to arrive at my house so I could leave for church. Today, there was no wait; no rush–mom’s gone, and I miss her.

Within one month, I lost both my sister and my mom. On September 10, 2017 at 6:57 am, I received a phone call informing me my sister had suddenly passed away–no notice; no heads up–gone! This was one of the most surreal moments I can ever remember experiencing in my life. Then on October 13, 2017 at 5:15 pm, succumbing to her battle with dementia, God whispered to my mom telling her it was now time to come home.

The old gospel hymn written by Charles Albert Tindley, “We’ll Understand it Better By and By” continues to play over and over in my head.

We are often tossed and driv’n on the restless sea of time,

Somber skies and howling tempests oft succeed a bright sunshine,

In that land of perfect day, when the mists have rolled away,

We will understand it better by and by.

For the first 19 years of my life, I lived with my mom. For the last eight and a half months of my mom’s life, she lived with me. Eight and a half months seemingly would be a short period of time; however, I soon realized the purpose of her coming to live with me. During her last months on this earth, I had the opportunity to share with her in a way that I had never before. No matter what indifferences we may have experienced in the past, they all seemed to have faded away. I believe this was my “By and By.” If I had not been given the opportunity to care for my mom, I would not have been afforded the precious moments we shared in her last days.

Sometimes, we concentrate on the negative and miss the lesson. I knew my mom loved me, but she was not an affectionate woman; however these are the invaluable lessons she taught me:

• She showed me what being a provider looked like.
• She showed me what work ethic looked like.
• She showed me what financial management looked like.
• She showed me what dressing like a lady looked like.
• She showed me what strength and independence looked like.
• She showed me what persistence and sheer determination looked like.
• She showed me what survival looked like.
• She showed me what a fighter looked like. She defied all odds until the very end.

I could have easily concentrated on my mom’s lack of affection and shortcomings, but God allowed me to honor her and to see all of the affirming examples she displayed throughout my life. I can only pray my children will overlook my faults and see the lessons I have attempted to teach them.

As I attempt to minister to you along with ministering to myself through this blog post, I am still trying to come to grips with my sister’s untimely death and my mom’s passing–missing them dearly; however I know God makes no mistakes. As we approach this holiday season, you may also have experienced loss of a loved one. I pray that you too will be able to grab hold of the fond memories and life lessons your loved one left behind for I truly believe you will understand it better by and by.

By and by when the morning comes,

All the saints of God are gathered home,

We’ll tell the story how we’ve overcome;

For we’ll understand it better by and by.

President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. proclaimed November 2024 as National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month. During this month, we heighten awareness about the Alzheimer’s disease and show support for the more than 6.2 million Americans living with it. In honor of my mother and so many others who are suffering and have succumbed to this dreadful disease, I ask you to educate yourself and support others who are caring for their loved ones.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!